I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
