just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
