So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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