Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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