...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
hell yes lets make some ravioli
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
