Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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