Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
