Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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