I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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