It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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