i was born a porn star she said
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
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He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
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I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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