Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
