god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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