so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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