If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he thought i was a dude.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
