I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize