thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
