bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
