Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Dear god my vagina.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
