Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We left an ass print on the piano.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
