I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize