Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
