"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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