So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
