I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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