Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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