where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
