your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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