Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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