making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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