i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
