He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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