THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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