Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
