What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
