It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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