So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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