Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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