Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
