how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
