Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
