she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
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