We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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