when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
