oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
