She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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