guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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