Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
