piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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