I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
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He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
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I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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