youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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