So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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