I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
