Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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