Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
