I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
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