i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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