I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
