her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Randomize
