The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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