At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
