Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
