he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
