I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I don't deserve a penis
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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