Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
