At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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