....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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