You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
