Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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