Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
