worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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