He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
