I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
