living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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