I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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