If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
