i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
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I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
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Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.