There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster