sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?