i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
