You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Can I color on your dick again?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
