Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize