i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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