You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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