I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
