i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
