Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
