I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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