I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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