bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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