I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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