Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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